LANA
LANA will be a four-member Samba Rock band from Brazil. It is an anagram for the names of the band member, L'ana da Silva Freud (vocals, chocalho), '''A'nderson de Souza Mello (electric guitar, cuíca), 'N'icholas Ferreira Drake (backing vocals, bass), and 'A'lberto H. K. Cruz (drums, pandeiro, tamborim, repinque). They sing in both portuguese and english, often mixing both in their songs. I have currently predicted the first five of their many albums, with more details on the first two. Foundation The band will be founded some year in the future, in Vitória, Espírito Santo. Lana will decide to make a duo with her boyfriend, Anderson. Lana will want to make an EDM duo, while Alberto will want to make an indie rock duo. This will lead into many fights from the couple. At one point, however, they were shopping and a couple (soon to be a famous Eurodance duo, Carlos & Barbara), were playing one of their first song projects on their phone, and Lana heard it and told Alberto that that was the best thing ever, and that Alberto was uncapable of doing anything better. This made Alberto furious, so he called her a cow. In Brazil, calling a girl a cow is very, very offensive. Lana got mad, and threw all of the products in their kart on the ground. Then they started throwing eggs at each other. Nicholas, a guy working there, kicked them out of the super market and told them that both of their music sucked, and that he was much better. He then showed a video of himself playing the bass, and the couple just loved it, so they gave up indie rock and EDM and decided to start a metal band. Nicholas claimed that was a great idea! So they started off. They started dumping random music samples of their work on social medias, using a placeholder name called "Os Psicanalistas" (the psychoanalysts) and one of their videos went viral, leading them to visit a TV show. The host of the show said that they were very talented, but they needed somebody to "abrasileirar" (brazillianize, brazilliate, IDK lol) their style. So Nicholas remember that he had a friend who loved samba, Alberto. Nicholas invited him to join the band, and so he did. They changed the band name to LANA and created a whole new genre: Samba Metal. They become one of hugest names in future music. '''TLDR: a couple fights in a market, they get kicked out of by some guy, they start a band, they perform in a TV show, the host criticizes them, the third guy calles the fourth guy, they mix brazillian stuff with metal, and BOOM, they get famous Later on, American expat Lucy Adams takes over Lana's spot after she leaves the band after severe injuries sustained in a fight with Dalal of The Jiminy Crickets. After that, Nicholas and Alberto leave and become the band's video technician and audio mixer respectively, and are replaced by Norwegian expat Arnbjørg Høiland and the band's former audio mixer Araujo de João Tupinambá (though the LANA name remains). They then create another whole new genre, Samba Electronic, after Anderson acquires a Nord Lead 2X Anniversary Edition keyboard, a Nord Rack 2X, and a Jamstix MIDI guitar from a car boot sale during breaks of a LANA concert in Chicago. The band is then Lucy Adams (vocals, chocalho), Arnbjørg Høiland (synthesizer, cuíca), Araujo de João Tupinambá (backing vocals, bass keyboard), and Alberto H. K. Cruz (midi guitar, electric guitar, electronic drums, electronic vocals, pandeiro, tamborim, repinque). Starting with Will You Please Go Away, LANA?, the lineup is Lucy Adams (vocals, synthesizer, chocalho), Arnbjørg Høiland (electric guitar, keytar, synthesizer, cuíca), Araujo de João Tupinambá (backing vocals, electric bass guitar), and Alberto H. K. Cruz (acoustic drums, balalaika, electronic vocals, pandeiro, tamborim, repinque). Discography Singles are bolded, promotional singles are in italic. 'Lana Diva' This is the album that will start it all. Lana will show the first signs of her egotistical behavious, starting off with the name of the album, and also with songs like A Deusa do Samba Metal (the Godess of Samba Metal), Musa do Brasileirão (a beauty contest in Brazil for the hottest girls representing football clubs, which Lana won for her team once), and Perfect Perfeição ''(Perfect Perfection). Thankfully, none of them will be released as actual singles. However, all of the four singles on the album will manage to get extremely high commercial success in Brazil, being the top four songs of the year they will be released there. They will also reach international success. On the ''Billboard Hot 100 charts, for example, Carnaval ''and Underneath the Grave'' will peak at #10, while Churrasco BBQ ''will peak at #5, and Dancing Though the Lights'' will peak at #7. Also,'' Lana Diva'' will peak at #8 on the Billboard 200, and will be the most successful World Music album of the year. The album will receive positive criticism for the lyrics, the instruments, and for the perfect balance between light and dark songs. Tracklist: #A Deusa do Samba Metal #Can't Stop Us #'Carnaval' #''Musa do Brasileirão'' #'Underneath the Grave' #Chelsea Grin #'Churrasco BBQ' #Terrified #Eu Love Você Tonight #'Dancing Through the Lights' #Gelo #''Perfect Perfeição'' 'Lana Linda' While Lana remains naming the albums after herself (this time it's Lana Gorgeous or something), this time there aren't as many songs aren't about praising her. The only that does so is Rainha da Morte (Queen of Death), where Lana reveals a darker side of herself. The band still balances the themes, which is pretty awesome. This album is responsible for the full breakout: on the Billboard Hot 100, Futebol peaks at #4, Rainha da Morte peaks at #3, Dark Mind and Camarote ''peak at #2, and the band gets their first #1 single outside of brazil: ''Dirty Dirty Safadenho, a song writtend by Lana about Anderson and his... well, talents, besides music. Lana will want Nicholas, the only single member of the band at that point (Alberto was dating a girl from'' Clerical Cleature), to sing about said talents as well. Nicholas will say that is weird and he won't, so he only plays the bass. When the song starts dropping from the charts, Lana will say that if he had singed, it would stay there for about nine more weeks. He gets highly pissed off for that and for other (currently unpredicted) reasons, and quits the band for about a year. This leaves a huge hole in the band, but they get so much attention for that event, that the other three decide to work on an extension for the album, ''Lana Lindíssima (Lana Very Gourgeous). They add five new songs, and release the final track as a single. The song is Nichy Come Back, the band's most succesfull single ever. It sells over 14,000,000 copies worldwide, peaks at #1 in 25 countries (including Brazil and USA) and reaches the top 5 in many other regions. The success isso high that Nicholas publicly apologizes, cries, claimes that he "expected a mortifying evil diss track instead of something so pure, so unique and so beautiful", and decides to rejoin the band. The song had originally peaked at #1 for 12 consecutive weeks in the Billboard Hot 100, but after a remix that reincluded Nicholas, the song returns to the spot and stays there for 10 more, bypassing the 16 weeks of One Sweet Day by Mariah Carey and Boys II Men. The band also wins 10 Grammy Awards that year. Tracklist: #''Shark'' #'Futebol' #''Arrow in the Target'' #'Dark Mind' #Evil Smile #Sexy Smile #'Dirty Dirty Safadenho' #''Dream'' #'Rainha da Morte' #'Camarote' #''Só na Pista'' #Venomous Stalker #Party All Night #Valeu Galera #'Nichy Come Back' *Underlined singles are exclusive to Lana Lindíssima. 'Lana Precious' I still haven't predicted enough to write about this album. All I know is that BRo ''peaks at #1 for 8 weeks at the Billboard Hot 100, another one peaks at #1 for five weeks, and the other three singles reach the top 5. '''Tracklist:' #'BRo' #'Chapa Quente' #''PQP'' #What Was That? #We Ain't Nothing But... #'Party Animals' #'Flying in the Clouds' #Vanish, Fade, Dissolve #''Like a Gun'' #Foi-se (Scythe) #'The Reapers' #Insect #Bicho Nojento #Urna #The Queen of Clubs and the Kings of the Other Suits 'Lana Maravilhosa' The Anthem of our Generation was the #1 Billboard Hot 100 song of the year it was released. It is their second most successful single, second only to the mega smash'' Nichy Come Back (which wasn't the top song of the year!). "Anthem" remained in the top spot for 14 consecutive weeks. ''Mulher Maravilha and Revenant's Destiny ''also peaked at #1, both for one week. ''Yards ''peaked at #4. '''Tracklist:' #Pivot #'The Anthem of our Generation' #Seven #Revenge #Roupa Nova #Macieira #'Revenant's Destiny' #Shattered Diamond #Shakin' Tonight #O Amor Me Levou #'Mulher Maravilha' #'Yards' #Janela do Quarto #Trapped #The Chest #4 × 4 'Lana Incredible' The album will receive mixed views by the critics, for the first time ever. The singles won't do as well as in the previous album. "Quickmatch Flares" will debut at #1, but will fall of the charts after 12 weeks. "Tamo Junto" will be the only actual solid single, peaking at #3 and staying in the top 10 for 19 weeks. Everything else will peak from #45-#7, which is really low for LANA standards. Lana will state in an interview that the reason many of the singles had weak chart runs is that Anderson insisted on doing things his way instead of listening to her, who had much more musical knowledge. Alberto said in another interview that the band had a lot of trouble doing the recording sessions, and the label was rushing them a lot, so the outcome of the album left a lot to be desired, but the following album would fix everything up. Albums from this to Lana F**-se will be so horrible that'' Lana Copy'' and Lana Revolts will have most of their copies found in bargain bins. Tracklist: #'Quickmatch Flares' #'Tamo Junto' #Treco #Forgiven #Trashhh #'Undead' #Dark Veins #All Is Vanity #'Skull' #'Who Gives a...' #'Nossa Essência' #Don't Take Away My Rapture #Greetings #'Hedonismo' #'High Above the Sky' 'Lana Sexy' This album will be severely criticized, especially since Garbage Cube will be over 15 minutes long so that the record can at lest fit in the defitinion of a studio album. Lana will say that she "had ideas for at least 10 more songs, but Anderson refuted them all". Anderson will refuse to take interviews, as usual. Nicholas and Alberto will say that the band meetings were mostly Lana and Anderson arguing about their relationship, and that "It's a miracle that could at least put out five tracks on Lana Sexy. And I know you are put square brackets and insert a lot of stuff we didn't say in them for some reason". Despite all this, Where Is My Ghoul and Tear Shop were were successful enough, as both managed to peak at #4. Tear Shop was the 43rd most successful hit of the year. Tracklist: # Where Is My Ghoul? # Não Quero Saber # Tear Shop # Final Rebound # Garbage Cube 'Lana Nervosa' This will be nominated for "worst album of the decade". It will get no certifications, and the only single that will manage to chart is Sceptical, which will be the lead single. It will peak at #92, dropping the following week. Alberto and Anderson will have almost no participation this time, with Lana and Nicholas doing all the writing, while they'll have to hire over 50 producers to make the album. Lana will be very pissed, claming to have worked really hard on the album, and that she tried experimenting and couldn't believe that her fans were so "solt out". Tracklist: #'Sceptical' #Crazy #'Vaza Daqui' #'Exclamation Exclamation Exclamation Exclamation Exclamation' #'La-la-la!!!' #Doooooo-Wawawa #Bite My Nails #Cachorro Vira-Lata #'Cockroach Jail' #Dollars Flying In My Purse #'Billion Franks (Sleeping In My Wallet)' #I Got the Money #Rica pra Cacete #Milhões de Seguidores #Invejos@s Lerd@s #'La Lana' 'Lana Copy' After the massive failure of Lana Nervosa, she will try to go CPM (Copy/Paste Music, a new genre) and turn LANA into a cover band. However, this was another massive flop, because... Well, just check the tracklist, and you'll see why. And by the way, the band released ALL fifteen tracks as singles, and they recorded a video for each song. Tracklist: #'Watch Me (Silentó cover)' #'We Can't Stop (Miley Cyrus cover)' #'Hangover (Psy cover)' #'Hello Kitty (Avril Lavigne cover)' #'#SELFIE (The Chainsmokers cover)' #'Crank That (Soulja Boy Tell'em cover)' #'Stupid Hoe (Nicki Minaj cover)' #'Red Solo Cup (Toby Keith cover)' #'7/11 (Beyoncé cover)' #'A$$ (Big Sean ft. Nicki Minaj cover)' #'Swagger Jagger (Cher Lloyd cover)' #'Booty (Jennifer Lopez ft. Iggy Azalea cover)' #'Pretty Girls (Britney Spears ft. Iggy Azalea cover)' #'Baby (Justin Bieber cover)' #'Lollipop (Lil Wayne cover)' 'Lana Revolts' This time, Lana tries something even worse: diss tracks. They didn't diss Nicholas, but Lana decides to take all of her failure on other bands. Lana and Anderson break up during the sessions, according to Nicholas, who seems to be mad. Tracklist: #Because You Fucking Suck (Well Why Not? diss) #Go Back to the Psych Ward (Every Greek diss) #Shields (Swords diss) #Sluts (Wild Lascivia Whistle diss) #Pointless Indeed (The Pointless Sisters diss) #Your King Is Dead (64 Wood Squares diss) #Beep Beep Beep (Sober Oscar Soldiers diss) #Nest (Helen's Chicken Coop diss) #Garbarge DNA (Eye Three diss) #Glitched (Power Pellet diss) 'Lana F***-se' The first album with Lana's replacement (and more nicer counterpart) Lucy Adams following Lana's hospitalization and leaving of the band, and the last album with Nicholas and Alberto, and the last to have "Lana" at the start of the album's name. They will collaborate with Sand Paper Biters on this album. Anderson eventually marries Lucy during the sessions, and Lucy gains Brazillian-American citizenship. "F***-SE!!" was written before Lana left. This album's version of "Glitched" reaches no. 1 in 72 countries, including the United States. The group tours North America and then tours South America to promote this album. Tracklist: #'A Exterminação da Freud Escrota' #''A Modelo/The Model'' (Kraftwerk cover, translated in Portuguese) #Uma Expatriada Americana no Brasil #'The Crafted Box on Wheels' #'F***-SE!!' (ft. Sand Paper Biters) #'Glitched '(is just "Glitched" from the previous album yet it has been rewritten to talk about a deadly computer virus instead of dissing Power Pellet) #''Sorry for the Dissing (is surprisingly light-hearted) #'O autor''' #Estilo português #''A rotação do alho-poró/The Leek Spin (ft. The Captains)'' Polkka translated into Portuguese and English #''Sem valor/Worthless'' (Cover of the Brazilian Portuguese and English versions of Worthless from The Brave Little Toaster) #Que maneira de estar vivendo 'Sem Valor' The first album without "Lana" at the start of the name, and the first with Arnbjørg Høiland and Araujo de João Tupinambá. They go on a 12,000 country world tour to promote the album. They collaborate with KW2, The Jiminy Crickets, Sand Paper Biters (again), Lydia, and Bold Band on this album. Tracklist: Introduction: Opus No. 2 #'Números/Nummern/Numbers' (ft. KW2 and The Jiminy Crickets) #''Autohecht/Autopike'' (ft. KW2 and The Jiminy Crickets) #''Very Bold'' (ft. Bold Band) #'Die Roboter/Os Robôs/The Robots' (Kraftwerk cover, ft. KW2 and Bold Band) #''Talking Tattoos (ft. Lydia)'' #'Ice Crackers' #Haunting #''Queijo Minas Padrão'' #Jogo de Talheres #'Rays and Beams' #'Yeah' #''Welcome Back Lucy'' 'Electronik' Collaborating with Sand Paper Biters and other artists again, LANA have created Samba Electronic and are experimenting with it in this Samba Metal, Samba Electronic, and Experimental genre album. Tracklist: Introduction: Nest (just Nest from Lana Revolts, this time it's Helen's Chicken Coop collaborating with LANA on a remake of their own diss) #'Calculadora/Taschenrechner/Pocket Calculator' (Kraftwerk cover, ft. KW2 and The Jiminy Crickets) #''Do Mundo do Computador/Computer Welt/Computer World'' (Kraftwerk cover, ft. KW2 and The Jiminy Crickets) #''Eu digo a parada, você diz que vai!'' (ft. Uncontrollable Urge) 'Fame is Not Important' This album's genres are Samba Electronic, Experimental, Synthpop, and New-wave. This album marked a radical change in the musical and visual direction of the band. Gone were the dresses usually worn by the band, such as Lucy's various outfits, Arnbjørg's red hoodie, khakis, and black combat boots, Araujo's tuxedos, and Alberto's various outfits, the Brazilization, and the red, white, pink, and blue "jumping letters" logo. In their place was a Berry Bubbles clown wig for Lucy and rubber flash wigs for Arnbjørg, Araujo, and Alberto and purple metallic full body suits with black stripes of tapes in X's on them, frequently dark and vitriolic lyrics, the white text "LANA" in Times New Roman, and overtly political statements. The promotional tour for this album, the Fame is Not Important Tour was a large undertaking. LANA performed on exercycles in front of an 3D-printed cave-like structure. In the cave's larger holes were rear-projected acrylic panels which displayed various videos, and the cave's smaller holes had acrylic panels which were lit up from behind by Eliminator Electro 86 lights. The wigs and body suits were augmented by latex fetish suits and the previous outfits for Lucy, Arnbjørg, Araujo, and Alberto. Tracklist: Introduction: Mechanic (ft. Eye Three) #''Fame is Not Important'' (ft. The Pointless Sisters and Uncontrollable Urge) #''The Flag'' (song criticizing the criticism of the confederate/rebel flag) 'Will You Please Go Away, LANA?' The album was released after the band went on a 1-year hiatus following Fame is Not Important. This time, LANA (with their video technician and audio mixer featured on the cover) wore off-white custom dress shirts worn under suit jackets of varying bright colors. The jacket lapels could adjust into a collar. Lucy wore a fluorescent pink jacket. Arnbjørg's was orange, Araujo's was light blue, Alberto's was purple, and Nicholas and Alberto's were light green. The promotional photos and videos feature business suits of varying color (pink, red, orange, yellow, and black). During the tour, for the first few songs, LANA and their video technician and audio mixer wore the custom suits pictured on the releases with black dress shoes and black socks. The cuffed, pleated pants were the same color as the suit's jacket. Everybody wore a different bright color and a different style pair of sunglasses. Underneath they wear zippered black mock turtleneck long-sleeve shirts. Partway through the performance LANA stripped down to the turtlenecks and pulled them over their faces. For this tour, the stage was now illuminated by sniper towers with ADJ Inno Pocket Spot Pearl stage lights. Alberto's drumset and equipment along with Nicholas and Alberto's equipment were on top of 3D-printed piles of rocks. Iron Mike Productions served as the tour promoter. Instead of crediting the individual members, the liner notes merely state that "LANA are: Same as our last three albums, Sem Valor, Electronik, and Fame is Not Important, but older and more Devo-esque (Araujo bought Bob 1/Bob's Ibanez Spud Custom at an auction a while ago and we knocked off their Smooth Noodle Maps looks. Ha.)". In a spoof of other artists including instrument company endorsements in their liner notes, there's the statement "LANA used various brands' guitars, Traps drums, and Marshall and Orange amps on this album, and other stuff too". And finally, alongside the typical "thanks" section is the following: * No thanks to: * BMI - quit bugging us * Radio stations - quit playing us * Dentist offices - quit playing us * The FCC - quit interrupting our songs when broadcasted with the Emergency Alert System * Christian fundamentalists - quit suing us * Kraftwerk - quit inspiring us * Devo - quit inspiring us * Adbusters - quit your damn anti-consumerism bullcrap * Street artists - quit your damn anti-consumerism bullcrap * Reverend Billy - quit your damn anti-consumerism bullcrap * PETA - quit your veganism * Greenpeace - quit trying to save the environment * The Dose - quit hypnotizing everyone * We've been doing just fine all these years without you so leave us the hell alone! Assholes! The album will receive critical acclaim for the lyrics, the instruments, and for the self-deprecating humor. Tracklist: Introduction: Theme to a Bunch of Losers #''We Stunk'' (ft. Eye Three) #''Life Support'' 'The Moral Majorty Smile Time Variety Hour' The Moral Majorty Smile Time Variety Hour was released as a "take that" to the religious right. This time, LANA wore white business suits, shoes, and socks, with the male members wearing rubber flash wigs. ADD MORE! Influences Lana claims that among their influences are ExaltaSamba, Zeca Pagodinho, Sepultura, Rebaelliun, Dudu Nobre, Art Popular, Pantera, In Flames, In This Moment, Alicia Keys, Alex Clare, Valesca Popozuda, Katy Perry, Daft Punk, Metallica, Queen Latifah, Pink, Anitta, Mariah Carey, among other artists, that currently don't exist, such as Swords. Trivia *Lana was born the exact same day as Anderson. *Alberto is the oldest one in the band, and he used to work as a psychologist, way before he met Lana or Anderson. Nicholas, however, was one of his patients. *Lana hates jokes about her name. *Lana is related to Sigmund Freud. Therefore, she is part of the Freud family. *Nicholas and Alberto are left-handed. *Lana had a crush on Luigi when she was a little girl... actually, I think she still has one. In fact, Anderson wears a Luigi costume in the'' Dirty Dirty Safadenho'' video in a certain scene. *Lana only likes green toothbrushes, while Nicholas only likes them red, and Alberto only likes them blue. Anderson shares the brush wish Lana, though. *Nicholas has violet eyes. *Anderson shaved his head for the Nichy Come Back video, whereas Alberto and Lana dyed their hair green and orange, respectively. *Lana almost used Elizabeth Del Rey as her stage name to parody Lana Del Rey, but she decided to use her real name instead because she thinks that she is too perfect to use a fake name, since Lana is the best name ever, according to her. *Lorde will be a huge fan of the band. In fact, Lorde will make several appearances in LANA concerts. *As an April Fools joke of some year, LANA will post a video in some social media in which they play an EDM version of the How I Met Your Mother song Let's Go to the Mall, claiming that it will be their new single. Some HIMYM fans will love it, and they will ask for a cover of Sandcastles in the Sand, but LANA won't do it, since they're gonna be afraid of changind their style. *At some point, there will be a wave of Samba Metal artists that will mention LANA as an influence. Other artists will too. *All of the members share hatred toward Princess Daisy. *Alberto is taller than the rest of the band, and he often teases Anderson, the shortest one (shorter even than Lana). *Nicholas doesn't like cookies. He started liking them after Lucy replaced Lana. *Anderson doesn't like country music. *Alberto wears glasses. He could just to a refractive surgery, but in his opinion, glasses are stylish as everything that you could possibly imagine happening between Lana and Anderson (lol). *Lana hates it when people spam "lol" (lol). She says it's unnecessary (lol). Yeah. LOL! *Anderson has a sister names Lara and a brother named Bernardo. Both of his siblings are older than him, I think. Lara and Bernando joined LANA as co-audio mixers after Lucy replaced Lana. *Lucy Adams, the band's new leader, is related to Terry Adams. So she has British ancestry, and is partially part of the . *Araujo is Anderson's younger brother. *Arnbjørg is a friend of Barbara Stringsband, a fox guitarist. In fact, she will play on later LANA albums. *Lucy was chosen by LANA as part of a talent competition called "The New LANA", aired on television worldwide to find the next leader of the band. *They will have many songs in Weird Al's Polka Medleys. Lana will hate them. The other members will adore it. Category:Future Bands